I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
