I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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