There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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