All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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