I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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