Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize