So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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