I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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