pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
