I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
