last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
