wanna go halves on a baby?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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