I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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