Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
