it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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