Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
