so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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