: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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