fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
