I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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