He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
