Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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