And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
they need to just BURY HIM!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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