i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
