we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
