i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
