Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
