just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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