So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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