sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we're making bets on your personal life
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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