I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
