That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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