I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
my poor anus
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
