I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
