saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
