my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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