She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
