Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
