My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
