Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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