Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
