Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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