Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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