My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
