I'm going to jail i love you
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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