when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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