I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
