god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
