I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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