I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
