Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
