i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
