This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The air taste purple.
Randomize
