Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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