You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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