3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
