Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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